Wednesday, April 30, 2003

I saw this while looking through blogs for inspiration for a page layout. It's a list of "rules" for people who want to be the next world dominating,evil super-villain with a manaical laugh. I was laughing so hard when I read these. It's like a tribute to all the movie, tv and animation villains thoughout history. Enjoy!

The list was actually compiled by the author of this page

and pasted here with permission

Morgoth's Evil Overlord list

1) My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

2) One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

3) If ever I have the hero at gunpoint, I will make sure to be well beyong his reach so as they can not reach out and slap the gun from my hand.

4) I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

5) My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

6) I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

7) I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

8) I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

9) When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

10) If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and put two slugs dead in his chest.

11) I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

12) My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used as a target for artillery marksmanship.

13) I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my sorry ass again.

14) I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

15) I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

16) I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

17) I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

18) No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"

19) My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)

20) If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

21) I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will only be awarded posthumously.

22) If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.

23) If the hero manages to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.

24) If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and merely glance over my shoulder. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me, it will now be heading for him.

25) If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.

26) I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.

27) When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ “The Club.”

28) If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.

29) I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.

30) In order to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access and demand that they read mindless ramblings.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003


I never thought I'd get around to doing this. I'm a very private person actually. But there are those times when I just.....must.....say...what's on my mind.

At this point I don't know what this log will be about. I've considered making it a list of philosophies or theories I've created or fabricated over the years, vainly believed to be original. Or maybe it will turn out to be a professional journal or a list of observations about anything. Or it just might turn out to be another endless litany of each days' events which nobody will ever read.

"Begin with the end in mind"

Hmmmm. Maybe I'll make this an exeption. I'll let the winds of fate take this blog to wherever her naughty little currents may take it. Whatever it will be, is what it is.....

Reminds me of this cryptic message I saw once. Etched in a slab of rock and hung on a large rubber tree, it read

"If you do not know where you are going,
wherever you are you are already there"